91. In the Matter of Your First-Born Baby Boy

 

 

in the face of fortune | you stare into his eyes

the eyes of reality | watching the movements of you

around and surrounding | him

he is that most precious being | your first-born baby boy

with golden hair | a face made of smiles

hands that don’t quite know their purpose | his hands

grasping in fistfuls | his own empty fists

the quality of his skin | of a baby’s

is radiance | the small ruddy globes of his cheeks

are different sides | of a moon smoothed into softness

when he makes you laugh | you feel

life uprising inside you | a life you find before you

a little human who | cannot do much yet

he can eat | we know he can eat

and he can roll over | in one direction only

his dominant side identified | and he can hold a bottle

and feed himself | and cry and also

smile and laugh | for he is happy and happy

to be with you | be held by you because

he doesn’t know what you are | but knows who you are

 

you are this being | who is always with him

one who feeds and plays and washes him

who watches him | and smiles

I have come to realize that smiling | preserves

a baby’s life | because when the baby smiles

mimicking the parents | he bonds his parents to himself

when the baby smiles | his parents realize he is not

only a small animal in constant need of care | he is

a tiny human | who wants to be part of a family

and the smile tells them | he wants more

than food and warmth and care | he wants

his parents to love him | because the joy of his face

at the sight of theirs | and their reaction to his

shows him where he belongs | even though he knows

almost nothing now | but he knows your face

the touch of your skin | the sound of your laughing

he can feel something | coming off you | not

anything you can measure | simply the sense

that you love him | even though he doesn’t know

what love is | even though he still loves you.

 

this is a child | you realize

who cannot even sit up unattended yet

a child who cannot crawl | who cannot

speak | though he tries bravely to learn

how to make sounds with his mouth

and he struggles to make | his hands do what

he needs them to do | but his brain

hasn’t yet | figured it out | but

you can see him work at it | the struggle

which is more difficult | than anything we

do any day | he is learning his body

learning how to operate it | and failing all

the time | and that failing is how

he learns | he has to try | to find out

what doesn’t work | and try to see

if anything works | and we don’t know

how his mind works | or what he thinks

or how he makes his decisions | or why

his body flails in the attempt | we just

watch | and we just see