I remember once there was a time
When Caitlyn was in jail,
For she had done a terrible crime
And couldn’t pay her bail.
Her crime was worse than playing games,
And worse than stealing pears.
She did her crime to find some fame
And put on fancy airs.
What she had done would scare a man
And chill him to his core.
She’d hatched a quite nefarious plan
To hurt her uncle more.
She’d framed her uncle for a push
Of his wife right off a roof,
Who fell directly on her tush
And twisted her left hoof.
A crime too heinous to imagine,
Yet Caitlyn easily hatched it.
Of evil she was a lively engine
And no-one else had matched it.
Her scheme included powerful drugs
That made her uncle puzzled,
So a shove seemed just like giving hugs
And his voice, by fear, was muzzled.
With drugs like those, it seemed to him
That everyone was Caitlyn,
So when he pushed with his stiff limb
He thought he pushed that Caitlyn.
And Caitlyn had to fall below
Because he knew her scheme
To control the way that people mow
And to make their grass seem green.
She wanted to divert the sun
And make the earth go cold.
She wanted everyone on the run
And to claim the planet’s gold.
He had to stop her evil plans
No matter what he did.
He needed to confuse her fans
And find out where they hid.
But little did he know that Caitlyn
Had plans afoot to crop
Any ideas he could take in
And any ways to stop.
Oh, Caitlyn was a canny girl,
And knew just what to do,
So even if a rock he’d hurl,
She’d quickly start to sue.
Confused and dazed by Caitlyn’s whiles,
He whiled away his days,
Attempting to construct large piles
To block her wicked ways.
But Caitlyn was a step ahead
And always had her friends,
So he could never stop her dead
Or learn to make amends.
Oh, Caitlyn tricked him right and good
And she got him arrested,
But soon she showed she was a hood,
And she herself was bested.
But people when they talk of her
They don’t think of her jailing.
They think of how she made them wonder
How she had caused such wailing.
For Caitlyn had a mind of steel
And a voice as sweet as sugar,
Her heart it learned to never feel,
And the joyous always bugged her.
So Caitlyn sits inside of jail
Where she is just as happy,
For she has the time to plot and rail
And never once felt trappy.
She sits inside that velvet prison
And plans for future times
When she might start a devilish mission
Replete with awful crimes.
(Okay, I must admit right here
That she’s a wonderful child,
But it is fun to pretend to fear
That this sweet child’s wild.)